You know those times in life when you’re left standing with a puzzled look on your face, crafting a delayed response to something dumb someone said a few moments earlier? Yesterday at the gym I found myself in this situation and it inspired me to write (rant) about some of the dumbest shit people say to others – without thinking first! And often to people they don’t even know!
WHY. Seriously. Why is it necessary to offer up an opinion via unecessary comment or question? I’ve had conversations about this with others before, so I know I’m not alone in my confusion. This really is a rant, but I hope it’s relatable and that we can all learn from it, because I know I’ve accidentally been “that guy” before. It does happen. But COME ON.
“You look tired.”
Ahaha, why, thank you! WTF? This is like going up to someone and saying, “hey how’s it going, you look like shit”. What purpose does it serve to point out to a person that they aren’t looking fresh? Extreme confusion. Quit saying this to people! Suggested response – “aww, you too.”
“What are you doing working on such a nice day!?”
What the serious F kind of question is this??? OH, well I originally had the day off but I saw how sunny it was so I came in. Hahaha are you kidding me? People have schedules and they don’t usually come with a special “great weather clause” to accomodate a sunny day. I also don’t know many people who are allowed to just up and leave their place of work when the clouds part. Jesus. In the case that someone is self-employed, they’re probably working because they’ve made commitments, or their business has hours of operation.
“Where’s Jamie? Did she move?”
I’m dead serious, people ask my colleagues this when I’m not at my place of work. She’s not here, so she must have moved. WHAT? LOL. Have they not heard of a day off? Do most people who work with the public work seven days a week, all day long, every single day of the year? I have nothing else to say about this. Oh, except that it leads me to the next one, which usually occurs at the grocery store or while running errands on a day off…
“What are you doin’ off work today?!”
People get days off sometimes. Or maybe I should say, “I’m just getting ready to take off, I’m moving.”
“Why don’t you have have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”
Hmm. Maybe this person you’re rudely cornering likes being single, hasn’t found the right person yet, won’t settle, isn’t looking, is asexual, is desperately searching, just got dumped or really looks forward to being in a healthy, happy relationship but it just hasn’t fallen into place yet? Go away. And, why does it matter!?!?!?!!!?!? I want to punch people who ask questions like this.
“What are you doin’ workin’ on the weekend!??”
Well, haha, I’d love to leave but then you’d probably be freaking out that the place is closed.
It’s the year 2018. I’d say the majority of businesses, or at least half these days, are open more than just Monday to Friday. At establishments that the general population (including the person asking this annoying AF question) expects to be open every single day, someone has to work on the weekend. No robots yet. Most employers don’t offer the luxury to be unavailable on the weekends. If they did, who the F would work? And please, don’t make the pity face. Working on the weekend usually means a day or two off during the week, which is amaaaaazing.
“You have really (insert unneccesary observation about someone’s appearance)”
Example from my experience: “You have really short legs.” Crazy, I haven’t noticed in the thirty-three years that I’ve been alive. Let’s estimate that I’ve looked in the mirror once daily for my entire life. Obviously it’s been multiple times on some days, and zero on others, like when I was a baby, but just to simplify, let’s go with 11,721 times. I’VE NOTICED. There is a very good chance that something noticeable about a person could be their biggest insecurity. Don’t.
“You’re not going to like that tattoo when you’re an old lady.”
First of all, how does this concern you in any way, idiot? It’s the 21st century; we, the people who get tattoos, are fully aware that they’re permanent. That’s the point. We are also fully acquainted with the fact that as living beings, days go by and we age, and our bodies, including our skin, change. We also do not care. Give your head a shake. Personally, I have no idea if I’ll be wearing tank tops and shorts in fifty years, but I’ll decide for myself when the time comes and I’m not going to ask anyone if they think it still looks “good”, whatever the hell that even means.
“So, you got married! When are you going to have babies?”
My personal favourite response, “never, I’d rather die” always gets a great reaction.
How do you know this person even wants kids? How do you know if they can have children?? Why would you assume that this person’s next item on the to-do list is to reproduce? Why do you think the person wants to discuss this with you? Maybe they had a miscarriage, abortion or hysterectomy yesterday. Maybe the thought of being a parent makes them want to barf. Why do you think children are what automatically follow marriage?? I could go on forever. THROAT PUNCH.
“Do you work here?”
HAHAHA. No, I’m just wearing this embroidered jacket/vest/apron/lanyard and name tag to pretend I work here and look cool.
And, the comment from a fellow gym member that got me writing this post:
“I’ll tell you right now, you’re gonna mess up your back stretching like that.” (Or any other remark lacking supportive, positive or accurate feedback)
Interesting. First and foremost, who asked you? Not me! Next, how do you know more about my body than I do?
For anyone who’s into yoga, you may be familiar with Supta Virasana, also known as sleeping/reclined hero pose. I am. The reason I’m familiar with this pose is because I’ve been doing it for about a decade, originally taught by certified instructors. I’ve also taught this pose for years as well, because I am a certified yoga instructor with over 570 hours of training. ALSO, I don’t have a “messed up back” from doing it. My back is problem-free and my body is very capable of all sorts of shit like running marathons and swimming, etc.
Unless someone is in a dangerious situation, asks for help, or is putting others at risk, it’s likely safe to just keep to yourself.
Let’s think before we speak. Besides coming across as a total idiot, sometimes questions or comments like the above can lead to things like self-consciousness, sadness, anger, embarassement, or simply put a damper on a good mood. I am NOT saying I’ve never commited any of these crimes. What I’m saying is that we can all do each other a favour by keeping our observations to ourselves, or before speaking, asking ourselves, is this remark:
Or, is it:
- completely useless
- annoying as fuck
Have a great day!! And good luck out there bahaha