You know those times in life when you’re left standing with a puzzled look on your face, crafting a delayed response to a question or comment someone made a few moments earlier that was dumb, unhelpful or even downright insulting? Yesterday at the gym I found myself in this situation and it inspired me to write about a few of the dumbest ways that people ask and say things to others – without thinking first! And often to people they don’t even know very well!
WHY. Seriously. Why is it necessary for a person to offer up their opinion in question or comment form when it wasn’t requested, needed or wanted? I’ve had conversations about this with others before, so I know I’m not alone in my confusion regarding this topic. This is a rant, really, but I hope it’s relatable and I hope we can all learn from it, because I know I’ve accidentally been “that guy” before. It happens. But COME on. And, the worst is when we come up with the perfect come-back after it’s too late. Dang.
“You look tired.”
Ahaha, why, thank you! WTF? This is like going up to someone and saying, hey how’s it going, you look shitty today! Everybody has a bad night’s sleep here and there, or a hectic week or even just an off-day! What purpose does it serve to point out to a person that they aren’t looking as fresh as usual? Extreme confusion. Quit saying this to people! It’s not nice.
“What are you doing working on such a nice day!?”
What the serious F kind of question is this??? HAHAHA. Well you see, I got up this morning and it was supposed to be my day off, but I saw how nice it was outside so I immediately phoned into work and said, “Hey! It’s super sunny today so I think I will work instead of having the day off!” Hahaha are you kidding me? For those people who work for someone other than themselves, do you wake up in the morning and decide then and there if you will be working or not on a given day? NO. People have schedules and they don’t usually come with a special “great weather clause” to accomodate a warm sunny day. Jesus. And in the case it is someone who is their own boss, they’re probably working because there are things that need to get done, or their business has hours of operation!
“Where’s Jamie? Did she move?”
I’m dead serious, people ask my colleagues this when I’m not at my place of work. She’s not here, so she must have moved. WHAT? LOL. Have they not heard of a day off? Do most people who work with the public work seven days a week, every single day of the year? I have nothing else to say about this. Except that it leads me to the next one, this usually happens at the grocery store or while doing other errands on a day off…
“What are you doin’ off work today?!”
People get days off sometimes.
“Why don’t you have have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”
How do you? hahaha. Hmm. Maybe this person you’re rudely cornering likes being single, hasn’t found the right person yet, won’t settle, isn’t looking, just got dumped or really looks forward to being in a healthy, happy relationship but it just hasn’t fallen into place yet? Go away. And, why does it matter!?!?!?!!!?!?
“What are you doin’ workin’ on the weekend!??”
Uh. It’s the year 2017. I’d say the majority of businesses, or at least half of them these days, are open more than just Monday to Friday. At places that the general population (including the person asking) expects to be open every single day, someone has to work on the weekend. Sometimes that person is me. Like, do they think I’m some A-hole who forces another employee to work every single weekend (as if, and impossible) while I go do whatever I want each and every Saturday and Sunday? Wrong. And please, don’t make the pity face. Days off during the week are some of the most peaceful and/or productive days in history. Ask any server, nurse, shift-worker, flight attendant, pharmacist, retailer or restaurant owner, just to name a few. Or, if asking someone who does work for themself, maybe there’s stuff that needs to get done!
“You have really (insert unneccesary observation about someone’s appearance)”
Example from my experience: “You have really short legs.” Crazy, I haven’t noticed in the thirty-two years that I’ve been alive! Let’s estimate that I have looked in the mirror once daily for my entire life. Obviously it’s been many times on some days, and zero times on others, like when I was a baby, but just to simplify, let’s go with 11,721 times. I’VE NOTICED. There is a very good chance that something noticeable about a person may be their biggest insecurity. Don’t point it out! What purpose does this serve? Hey, you have short legs, have you heard about that leg-lengthening potion on Dr. Oz? F off hahahaha.
“You’re not going to like that tattoo when you’re an old lady.”
First of all, how does this concern you in any way, person making stupid comment? It’s the 21st century; we, the people who get tattoos, are fully aware that they are permanent. That’s the point, haha. We are also fully aware that as living beings, as days go by we age and our bodies, including our skin, change. We also do not care. I’m sorry that you are so concerned with what others think, but lots of others are NOT. Give your head a shake. Personally, I have no idea if I’ll be wearing tank tops and shorts when I’m elderly, but I’ll decide for myself when the time comes and I’m not going to ask some random person if they think it still looks “good”, whatever the hell that even means.
“So, you got married! When are you going to have babies?”
How do you know the person in question even wants kids? Why are you assuming that this person’s next item on the to-do list is to reproduce? How do you know this person is capable of having children? Why do you think the person wants to discuss this with you? Maybe they had a miscarriage, abortion or hysterectomy yesterday. Why do you think children are what automatically follow marriage?? I could (and likely will) write an entire blog post just about this question. STOP.
“Do you work here?”
HAHAHA. No, I’m just wearing this embroidered jacket/vest/apron/lanyard and name tag to pretend I work here and look cool.
And, the comment from a fellow gym member that got me writing this post:
“I’ll tell you right now, you’re gonna mess up your back stretching like that.” (Or any other remark lacking supportive, helpful or positive feedback)
Interesting. First and foremost, who asked you? Not me! Next, how do you know more about my body than I do? For anyone who’s into yoga, are you familiar with Supta Virasana, also known as sleeping/reclined hero pose? I am (that’s the pose I was in) and the reason I’m familiar with this pose is because I’ve been doing it for eight years, originally taught by certified instructors. I’ve been teaching this pose myself for four years, because I am a certified yoga instructor with over 570 hours of training. Also, I don’t have a “messed up back” from doing this stretch and if I did, I probably wouldn’t have been able to run the seven half marathons and three full marathons that I’ve completed more recently than the day I began practicing this yoga pose, plus hike, jump, twist, bend and do the movements off The OA. Just sayin. Unless someone is in a dangerious situation, asks for help, or is putting others around them at risk, it’s likely safe to just keep to yourself. .
Let’s think before we speak. Not doing so can lead to exremely annoying interactions. Sometimes it can even create things like self-consciousness, sadness, anger, embarassement, frustration or simply putting a damper on what has been a good day so far. I am NOT saying I’ve never commited a single one of these crimes. What I am saying is that as human beings we can all do each other a favour by keeping our observations to ourselves at times, or before speaking asking ourselves, is this question/remark:
Or, is it:
Have a great day!! And good luck out there bahaha