Holy shit. Three years ago today I decided for the 5794416th time that I was NEVER DRINKING AGAIN. If you’re familiar with this blog, you’ve heard. I’ve described it many times. You know, the worst physical, mental and emotional hangover EVER!…i.e. tied with many, many other previous hangovers. I can remember it like it was yesterday. Pounding heart, the shakes, extreme anxiety, inability to concentrate, sensitivity to light and noise, nausea, acid gut and throat, yet the desire to eat Taquitos dipped in Queso, and then, lay down and die. The worst part though was not physical; it was the emotional part. My wellbeing. My mental health.
I literally wasn’t sure if my now-husband would still want to get married. Or if I had other people, besides him, to apologize to. Or if I would ever, finally, stop doing this to my body and mind. Full-blown panic.
Was I finally done with feeling (and looking and smelling, LOL) like a troll?
WTF was wrong with me? How did some people have the ability to have a few drinks but not get to the point of shame and regret? How did other people party like me but somehow avoid anxiety and depression? Like most scenarios in life, comparing myself to others didn’t help at all. I took many steps, which I’ve written about a lot and you can find HERE (or under “sober stuff”) and now I’m here – Boxing Day, 2018.
Three years later I still revisit the foundational reasons why I remain a non-drinker.
- Alcohol does not have a single benefit. Not one! (in my opinion, now)
- I have fun because of the ways I spend my time, and who I spend it with
- Life is really short and I want to experience it with full clarity
- I like feeling good, and I don’t like feeling like shit.
It was pretty hard to know myself well when I was pissed on a regular basis, or depressed and anxious secondary to that. There are so many things I have found out about myself over the last three years! There are things I have done that I only talked about doing for so many years. Fears that I have faced because I became MORE brave once I took away the “liquid courage”. (I fkn hate that expression).
The beginning was so scary and weird. It was like I got dropped on another planet. But now that I’ve tried it – and I mean really given it a chance – I know that the general conceptions about being sober can’t be based on experience. If they were, it wouldn’t be thought of as boring, odd, safe or cut-off. No. It would have a reputation of being awesome, fresh, clear, grounded and raw. Sometimes uncomfortable, but always authentic.
I pretty much always do what I want, anyone who knows me knows that. On the flip side, I don’t do things I don’t wanna do. I’m also okay with admitting when I’m wrong. What I am getting at is that if this sober thing wasn’t as great as I have been saying it is, then I’d just tell you guys and then go get drunk. So yeah, today’s post isn’t really about anything except that being a non-drinker is not just possible, it’s fantastic. The last three years of my adult life have been the best ones and I plan to continue on this alcohol-free but still weird as fuck journey!!!! If it’s something you’ve been considering, give it a true chance and you’ll see for yourself. xo
Special thanks to…