I just imagined trying to make sourdough when I was a Lush

Yes, I am one of the 38596948 people who got into baking sourdough bread at some point over the course of this fking pandemic. I love it. The trial and error, trouble shooting, successes and also the process. I love it all!

This morning I had a thought. WHEN would I have done this if I was still obsessed with drinking? Between thinking about the next drinking opportunity, the act of acquiring the alcohol itself, partying to whatever degree, being hungover and then the other residual effects of booze like lack of focus, inefficiency and disorganization, laziness, etc…WHEN?

It’s been over five years but shit like this pops into my head all the time. It was so easy to just not do something, even though I wanted to do it. No energy. Not motivated. Too many things to do that I didn’t get done when I was hung. It’s fun to examine sober life and feel thankful for it, still.

Sobriety has taught me many lessons and not all of them have been easy. I have learned that even though a ton of my mental health concerns were highly amplified by alcohol, they are part of me even as a sober person and may very well always exist. I learned that even though I have more time and more peace, life can still get really fucking frustrating and overwhelming. Giving alcohol the boot doesn’t fix all your problems but it sure makes everything better than it was. More time, more patience, more self-awareness and acceptance…

Thank you to my boule of sourdough for bringing up this moment of reflection! LOL.