JammieKomadina

I ran into a friend at the coffee shop this morning and I told her I was having some Monday anxiety. Nothing major but I feel it. Recently I posted about how Mondays don’t affect me the way they used to when alcohol was still part of my life, but when I thought about it again today I realized that there’s still some shit there.

Honestly, I don’t know if I sometimes still associate Monday mornings with past feelings of guilt, shame, regret (you know, drinking feelings) or if it’s just an anti-climax from a great weekend… who knows.

Either way, what matters is that when I stop and check myself, I am reminded that all is well. I actively assess my situation: I don’t have a hangover, I feel awake and healthy. I didn’t spend $200 yesterday on Caesars or blonde ales. I don’t have the shakes and a migraine, I can ground myself. There are groceries in the fridge, I slept alright and my days off were spent having a wicked time outside and being fully present for all of it.

So maybe I haven’t fully dominated EVERY Monday morning, but that’s okay. I hope you have a great week!!

Jamie

Yes. (In Prince Rupert) it’s finally sunny! I used to synonymize a sunny day with DRINKING. It was automatic. Sunny days and getting drunk went together like sourdough and peanut butter do in my current life.

The strength of some alcohol associations..impressive. Some of mine actually felt indestructible for a long time which I’d say is one of the main reasons it took me 5783647 tries to quit drinking once and for all.

Beer and fires. Beer and camping. Wine and charcuterie. Dinner and drinks. Drinks and the beach. Getting hammed at a wedding (I was sober at my own wedding.) Whatever.

I have talked about this many times on here I’m sure but there are steps we can take to dismantle these seemingly unbreakable partnerships. It starts with getting present and getting real – asking yourself some questions and truthfully answering.

Using all the senses to question yourself works well. What sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches/feelies do you like about the activity that is allegedly only fun if you’re drinking?

I’ll use fires as my example.

I love the flickering flame that can make me go into a trance and also the way it makes cool shadows and lights up other peoples’ faces who are around it. I also love the look of the sparks and the smoke too, as long as it’s not in my face. I REALLY love looking at stars, which I associate with fires in my favourite places in northern BC.

I love the cracking sound of the wood burning especially when it’s super dry, and I love that popping mini-explosion sound that happens sometimes.

I love the smell of being outside, or the smell of a house with a woodstove. I love the smell of my clothes and hair after having been at an outside fire. Some people think it’s gross but I love it.

I do love the taste of the beer I used to drink around a fire (fuckin’ sue me ahaha), but I also love the taste of non-alcoholic beer that tastes the same to me. I also love hot chocolate, coffee, Bubly and virgin caesars, all of which are great for drinking anywhere including around a fire.

I love the feeling of your clothes getting so hot you have to rotate, the feeling of being bundled up if it’s cold outside, the feeling of wearing summer clothes if it’s a day fire and it’s hot out, and I love the feeling of being cozy.

Voila. Alcohol has nothing to fucking do with why I love fires. Or sunny days, for that matter.

BRING ON SUMMER.

Hope you had a good long weekend!! I definitely did, but I wish I prioritized a few things differently…

I woke up this morning SO so tired, like so sleepy I wanted to cry. And last night instead of getting groceries we watched an episode of Vikings and stayed cozy in the living room… so ya. No lunch to make and breakfast was a bit limp.

It feels like my to-do list over the next week is big, but really I’m just doing the thing where I’m tired and could use another day off (as could all people, after any weekend of any length usually haha). Also, side-note, I hate taxes.

A while ago I posted about how I’m okay with Mondays now (or Tuesday, in this case) because I don’t have hangovers from getting pissed all weekend, including most likely day drinking on Sundays or the holiday Monday. Today is one of the days where I EXTRA appreciate NOT having a hangover. For real, I don’t know what I would have done this morning if I woke up feeling ill with anxiety, paranoia, guilt or the shakes. I already was tired, disorganized and a tiny bit overwhelmed by the week ahead – imagine amplifying those things and adding another ton of shitty physical and emotional feelings to the pile while praying to a higher power to make bedtime come as fast as possible before even getting out of bed.

BLAH.

Here’s to having a clear head and knowing that dealing with a little start-of-the-week chaos is no match for sobriety.

xo Jamie

I’ve written about this a few times at least by now, but for some there comes a time in sobriety where keeping track of the days, months and milestones just isn’t as much of a focus anymore.

This is my life now and I rarely look at my sober app. However, today I just looked at it and it’s a nice round number – 1900 days!! My awareness of my own sobriety has been elevated since I started my Sober Launch program and on days that I have calls with clients (like today), it’s turned WAY up.

This has lead me to thinking about something – I don’t want to let sober success fade into the background of “real life”. Although I am actively grateful for this lifestyle, I wanna go back to intentionally celebrating all the milestones! So I’m planning something for my 2000 days of sober living and I don’t know what it is yet, but it’s gonna be good. It’s gonna be a big deal because choosing sober living is a big deal and deciding to have a life that kicks ass almost all of the time, is a big fuckin deal.

Whether you are new to the sober game or you consider yourself an old vet, I hope you are celebrating milestones and staying grateful as much as possible.

Happy Hump Day!

I’m sitting here at my massage therapy practice, having just finished up for the week, and I am struck with such a wicked feeling. I’m calm, grounded and I have zero sense of urgency. Urgency about what, you might be wondering…

I remember times, even as a teenager getting off work on Friday evening at the bakery, when I felt almost frantic about “getting alcohol.”

Whether it was finding someone who could buy it for me and my friends, or I was old enough and just felt super rushed and anxious about figuring out where and what I’d be drinking within a few hours of getting off work, it was a TO-DO that was top of the priority list. Actually it was my only priority. I was just itching to get the weekend going, which meant get drunk. It really pisses me off that there were literally no other things that I was excited to do. Fuck. But that’s a whole other can of worms for another post..or many.

There’s a quote from a book called Parched by Heather King that Belle introduced me to:

drinking is never actually fun, but it always feels like you are about to have fun in 15 minutes.

I think my panic about figuring out ASAP what do drink, how to get it, and where to drink it and who with, came from this concept. The sense of panic never really went away. I remember it at parties, jumping from one conversation to the next or one room to the other like a bumble bee, because it was never actually that fun…but that sense of it being ABOUT to be fun was there the whole time. Anyways.

Now, I sit here with no need to get out of here as fast as I can…clearly, since I’m sitting here blogging. The point is that not letting alcohol have that weird hold on me is awesome. It’s been a long time since I felt that power over me and it’s really liberating to be free of it!!!!

Does it have that hold on you? Or did it in the past? Can you relate to this?

Have an awesome weekend!!!

I just thought of one of my most HATED memories of the drinking days. Not a specific memory but more of a trend. Mondays. Specifically, Monday mornings.

Whether the hangover was from “Sunday funday” (eye roll) or still lurking from Saturday, Mondays SUCKED. Anxiety. Disorganization. House a disaster. No clean laundry. No groceries. Nothing to bring for lunch.

Mondays had such a bad rap in my former life, and I feel like they do in our world in general. What’s funny though, is that when one is ready for the start of the week, it fucking RULES.

Those annoying sayings out there like “never miss a Monday” or “Monday motivation“, etc, aren’t annoying any more when you’re feeling good and ready to get after it. So I guess what I am saying is…sorry that I used to hate you, Monday.

Mondays are like New Year’s Day, every week. I hope your day (and week!) kicks ass.

Jamie